rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
