Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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