why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this just has baby written all over it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
