I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize