I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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