I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's Friday. Sex?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
