I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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