I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
