the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
