Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
