I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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