So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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