things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
