Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
