Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
