life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
