Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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