I just saw a hot homeless man
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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