i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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