Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
