hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize