Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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