The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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