I seem to have left my pride at pride
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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