dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
