I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
