Tell her she can't have a vagina
im holly from the hills drunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
