Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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