Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
