Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
