i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
