What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
