You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
