I wanna passion pit in your ass
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize