new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
