Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Found the puke drawer
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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