I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
