God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
