You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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