just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize