Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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