just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
