Do you still have your period?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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