JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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