it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize