He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
