I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
