it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
