i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
