why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
