If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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