Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
