after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
