If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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