it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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