she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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