Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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