Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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