she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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