Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
