I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
