if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
