go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
