I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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