If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
