If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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