NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
