Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize