Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
