It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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