nut hugger
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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