Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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