I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
