Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
