First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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