the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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