Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
