He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize