My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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