So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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