Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
