He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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