Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
