My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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