My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
