Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
