Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
