I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
