Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
