why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
