Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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