i don't like sucking hair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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