Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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